Sometimes the only way you can describe yourself as..

..is a dickhead. That's how I felt today. Let me explain.

Today we were "familiarized" with the vehicles. Basically this means being shown around the back of the standard Mercedes ambulance (sorry no photos), told where the equipment is kept, and given a basic introduction into the cab and Mobile Dispatch Terminal (MDT).
Anyway. Next was the driver's seat. A guy from my course was sat in it, playing with the blue lights and occasionally (I suspect accidentally) sirens, under the guidance of our training officer. The guy was getting slightly confused by the controls, so put the lights on and jumped out of the cab to check they were on for himself.

He invited me to take the seat while he checked the lights. Of course I obliged. I took my seat. It was raining, the headlights and front strobes flashed against the surrounding vehicles. The rain made the light distorted somewhat, but the LED lights cut through the droplets of rain with a crisp precision. Time slowed down somewhat, Matrix style. I was here. Sat there in the cab. Lights flashing all around, yet oddly I didn't feel excited. It instead was something more of content, of "I belong here". I brought myself back from this state with an abrupt embarrassment. I suspect I wasn't there for more than a couple of seconds, but I switched off the blue lights anyway to bring me back down a bit. As I pushed the control to switch them on again, the siren came on for no real apparent reason. I panicked and fumbled it off ASAP. Little did I realise that coming over was another training officer from the direct entry tech group. He opened the passenger door;
(Angry training officer's voice) "Is there any reason why the siren keeps going off?"

(Me, worrying) "Um, er, um, er, no not really I just tried to turn on the lights and the siren came on"

(Even angrier training officer) "Well, maybe you should stop fiddling with the buttons, that siren going off is very annoying"

I felt like such a dickhead. Imagine this from the officer's view. 18 year old Uni student playing around with buttons that he doesn't have a clue what they do while playing "ambulance". I later found out that the reason for the siren going off while I was in the driving seat was my friend leaning over from the passenger seat, and pushing the pedal that (I didn't know) also operates the siren. I had simply got into the cab, hadn't pushed the siren once and now I felt like an idiot.

Wrong place, wrong time doesn't even cover it. My youth had been playing on mind all day since that incident so when I voiced my concerns about being young to one of the officers in casual conversation (a really nice guy from the north of London), he said something that really helped:

"You know what Carmelo? 4 years ago I would have agreed with you. 18 is too young, but since then I've seen guys come from Uni at 18, enter the service and become bloody good Paramedics. Good luck to you"

Everything melted away. I felt fine.
I'm starting to get over this youth thing. I honestly think before I was making a bit of a big issue out of it. Yes I am 18. Yes I am enthusiastic. Yes I do make mistakes. Yes I'm immature. Can I help that? No. I need to remind myself that despite my youth I got through the interviews and selection processes.

Despite my youth an employer is willing to pay £3000 a year for my education to do a job that can change people's lives.