Diary Entry Part Two

Here's part two of my diary. Wordy I know, sorry.

My Diary Entry (Part two of two)

Well after last week’s heavy events I’m pleased to say that this week has been much more light-hearted. As to whether this is because the “guy” mentioned last week has been ignoring me or not is something I ponder. I suspect it has something to do with him reading the last entry; he hadn’t started his diary yet and was looking for “inspiration”. Of course I had nothing to hide, and let him read my entry. I wasn’t afraid to let him read it, why should I hide my opinion?

Well I saw him read the first page, but that was all he could stomach. He left immediately, and the worst thing was I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty. I feel I can only truly express myself through my writing; it’s defiantly my preferred medium of communication. Its part of the reason I keep my Blog online (no URL I’m afraid, I need secrecy), it allows me to comment on things in a way that I can never do in real life. In a way it allowed him to see a clear slice of my point of view, undiluted by the niceties and rules of etiquette experienced in normal life. After that I pretty much left the issue to lie, as I haven’t really been bothered by it.

However, one thing I have been bothered by this week is how young I feel. Initially, being one of the youngest on the course made me feel proud that LAS and the University had picked me, but increasingly it’s becoming a subject of concern to me. Everybody seems to have so much more experience than me, in everything. I dislike immensely feeling like I don’t have the wisdom of age behind me, I feel in a way I’m missing a key part of getting me through this job. On the other hand though, I have no intentions of wishing my life away. I may be young, but that’s not my fault is it? I think the best way to get through this is to hush up and start listening to others. It’s a strange position that I’m in at the minute, being fully aware of how naïve I am, but being unable to do anything about it. I’m definitely too young to start worrying about varying levels of consciousness.
I also believe that my youthfulness may be a help. My enthusiasm for this course remains unabated, despite the others seeming to have a slight lull in concentration as what we are doing at the moment isn’t directly linked to ambulances. In a way that makes me feel mature about various things we do, as I seem to be the only one in the room at times who seems genuinely interested. Again, being patient as I am is a skill I feel quite proud of being so young, so maybe this youth business isn’t all bad, and anyway I don’t pay income tax. So ha.

Writing this without touching too much on the forthcoming essay is difficult, as the series of presentations we saw gave me a great deal to reflect on. I think here I shall reflect on the personalities of people in the group, as the essay is a more formal affair where I’m restrained somewhat. So, let’s begin.
First point, I have even more respect for nurses than I did before. My mother has been a nurse her entire life, and is now on matron level, I suspect that’s the main reason I wanted to go into healthcare. The two guys on the course who are presently male nurses have my up most respect. I realise that male nurses are becoming more and more accepted into our culture, but they seem to still carry quite a burden of stereotype. I feel so envious of how they can work in a culture that seems to be dominated by a feminine view of things and still retain their masculinity. It also seems slightly odd and more to the point ironic that the culture they are going into now seems a much more masculine one, dominated by bad humour. Almost the reverse of where they are at the minute. Brave guys.

Second, and more important point. I get on with every single person. During my life I’ve tended to find I’m very much a person of poles, you either like me or hate me. To be fair I tend to do this to others, so it can only be expected back to me. Which is why I’m still astounded as to why everyone still seems to like me, and I still like them. I know in terms of real time we haven’t spent that much time together, but I feel we all have bonded well. Especially after last night at The Little House. I’ll leave it at I drunk a bit too much. Too much being a single pint. Also in a turn of events I didn’t see coming, the other group from SECAS joined in with us. Up till now I personally saw a slight divide forming, but I now can see that isn’t a problem, as they are a good bunch who seem to me just as fun loving as we are. Every time I leave the group to go back to my little room I think what a great group of people they are, and genuinely look forward to spending the next three years with them living my dream.

Well that’s it. My diary is complete. I’ve moved into University, met a great group, had deep religious debates, missed my girlfriend, eaten well and I now look forward to starting my ambulance module.